Feb 26, 2008
When I was with a friend at SR Nagar. I got a call, that my grandma was expired. Of course we all are waiting and praying gods (I was one of them) for her death because -
She was on bed from long time, she cant sit, stand, cant move her hands even, she is almost like a dead body. She is around 80, whenever she needs some thing she used to tell it with very feeble and unclear voice. When ever some one holds to lift her the tight grip gives her so much pain. At that time she used to cry silently.
After reading the popular novel ANTERMUKHAM , I can feel the pain and grief of a person lying like a corpse, Her body decayed after my grandpa was expired. He too was suffered the same way almost two years. Two people must require looking over her needs.
She was a lovely mother of 4 daughters and two sons. She gave them unconditional love.
So obviously they too love her very much. My mom was second of her.
My mom used to visit her very frequently and used to spend a few weeks to look over her. No one of my family objectioned it because we too love her, more over its my moms responsibility to look over her.
When I reached the village (my grandmas house, though there no one stays) almost all of her daughters and a son (my uncle) was there, and some relatives who are staying near by. All 4 daughter and other relatives mostly female sat sadly around her. Everyone’s eyes are red and swollen. My mom was sitting beside of the game. In a low volume ghantasalas is preaching Bhagvat getha .
I did sastanga namaskara to my grandma and sat aside of my mom. She wept like any thing by holding me. I don’t know what to do. what can I tell her. How can I prevent her weeping? The love she has given, the way she make her learn... these kind of memories might be flooding into my moms mind and a harsh reality that her mother is no more.
So its obvious that she weep. I… I was very clam. Amazingly a small drop of tear is not there in my eyes. I am trying to recollect the memories of my grandma and wanted to juxtapose them with the reality that she is no more in order to cry, but
I couldn’t get a memory. All of my memories were 10-15 years back. So I couldn’t recollect them. Moreover personal problems, insecure future and so-called maturity mind make a person blind to the present reality. -SO NO TEARS IN MY EYES.
After some time mom slowly relaxed and asked
That weather I had my dinner or not...that is heart of a Mother...
One side her mom is dead and another side she is asking me had my dinner or not as a mother, ...wonder...I nodded that I had.
After some time I went out of the house and sat on a carpet, some relatives who are tired of weeping and work, sleeping there. My uncle came to me.. Sat quietly,, I kept my hand in his hand and sat very quietly about 10 min. what can I say when a person lost her beloved mom. Any word looks artificial. More over I don’t want to stop them by weeping. I feel, my condolence words doesn’t reduces their grief rather increases.
Up to 4am we ware talking (me and some other cousins), I feel wonder why people talk abut how they got the death massage, and how they reacted, how they reached the spot etc. same thing we too talked abut.
Then I slept for a while. By 5.30a.m by aunt called me and said to bring some milk and some other necessities. With in an hour or two relatives may flood in, For a Brahmin family tea is some thing which cant b avoided irrespective of the occasion. Its like lifeblood to us.
I need to go 10 kms to near by town to get the milk, I brushed my teeth and took my uncles two wheeler and rushed to near by town. I was back after an hour, by the time almost all relatives are present there, talking to each other about my grandma, her nature, her kind heart, they are sharing their memories,.. some incidents and the attachment with her, On the other side my aunt is waiting for milk, because she has to serve tea for them.
I hand over the milk and other things to her and came out, there some of my relatives are making arrangements for the ANTIMA YATRA.
Two of the servants are preparing PADE, under one of my cousin’s supervision, two people went to get some pots, Goverdhan ( one of my cousin) went to get white cloth and a sari, I was observing quietly all these, mean while tea was served to all, once tea is down in to the throat some kind of energy and enthusiasm came in every ones faces.
ANTIMA YATRA started. Every one present in front of the house, me and my cousins and some other relatives went to near by bore well (water pump), and had our bath jus by sitting under the water pump. Its not a regular bath for our sake its a holy bath (madi snanam). We tied up saffron colored clothes (pattu panchalu) around our waist, and torso, then began to go back home with two pots of water, when we are entering into the house everyone r giving us a way with a feeling that we r holy. We went in side and lifted grandma, bring her out to the veranda, a wooden chair was there may b older than my grandma, we make her sit, we made a 4 walls with saffron cloths, some female relatives bathed her, with pavitra jalam which we brought from the pump, a new sari was wore her and was adorned with gopichandanam, then my brother poured some drops of salagrama thertham in her mouth and a tulasidalam.
Then we lifted her again and laid down on the PADE, the body ware tied with a rope to the pade, the noise of weeping increased, the relatives, villagers the people who are passing by , known, unknown… all are looking at it. Some are the other way they are participating in the ceremony. “what is life, we take birth some where, we die some time, if not to day tomorrow, we all must die, we don’t know how death comes to us..When we came here we dint bring any thing, when we passes away we don’t take any thing along with us, this is life” ..I can guess every one must b thinking this kind of philosophy.
Near abut 8 persons lifted the PADE with Narayana mantram.., and my uncle before us with a burning pot hanging in his hand, we kept down three times the pade to perform some kind of ritual, then finally we kept it on the chiti, a bed like arrangement done with firewood. There also some usual Hindu ritual performed... and finally my uncle set fire at the head end with his left hand..Already some kerosene pored in the wood to catch the fire quickly. The chiti caught fire and my grandma’s body started burning, we all went back few steps because of the heat. A servant is throwing kerosene on it...
My uncle who was so clam unto that time burst into tears....
screaming with agony…
the memories of her , the love she given are making a whirl in his mind...now she is burning on chiti, ..
.his beloved mom is turning into ashes...
Who will stop him??? The moans and screams touched high volume ...no one is there to stop my mom and others.. All of a sudden two drops of tears came out of my eyes, by realizing abut the life truth that everyone must die...that my grandma ..a 80 years of her life dedicated to her family...
.. Working for them every minute, has been dead.. Merciless god given her so much of pain at the end of her days, what if she dies with out pain...why should a kind hearted person like her bare all the pain..
Why we took birth and why we all suffering from pain??
..It’s a mystery....
May be bull shit..
After an hour everyone took bath in the lake and came back home..
Smshana viragyam faded away…the hungry made us to think of lunch.
no one knows what life is???. do u know????...Please tell me..